entries friends calendar profile DeCandido.net back back forward forward
KRAD's Inaccurate Guide to Life - ladies and gentlemen, we have our own Lori Jareo
ramblings from a mad fedora'd writer
kradical
kradical
Add to Memories
Share
ladies and gentlemen, we have our own Lori Jareo
Some of you may recall a mere two years ago this month, a twit by the name of Lori Jareo, who published her unauthorized Star Wars fanfic through a publisher that had distribution on Amazon.com.

Many of you were no doubt thinking, "Hey, how come SW gets all the asshats who don't understand copyright violation? Where's the love for Trekkie asshats?"

Worry not, fellow Trekkers! We have our own case of rectal haberdashery, and his name is Austin P. Torney, and his book is called Star Trek: The Death Wave.

We'll see if CBS/Paramount is as fast to C&D this as Lucas was two years ago. The folks at CreateSpace really should've known better........

(Thanks to daytonward for the headsup.)

Current Mood: amused amused
Current Music: "Bedroom Eyes" by Uncle Bonsai

Comments
abigailb From: abigailb Date: April 7th, 2008 04:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
My god, look at that cover!
troll_bridge From: troll_bridge Date: April 7th, 2008 04:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
My God... Look at the content!
tiggerallyn From: tiggerallyn Date: April 7th, 2008 04:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
I've read worse.

I've read Marc Klein's Strange New Worlds rejects.
From: bosswriter Date: April 7th, 2008 05:51 pm (UTC) (Link)
If you've read worse than this, it must have been very painful. I feel sorry for anyone who plunks down $10 for this without reading an excerpt.
From: celticboy Date: April 7th, 2008 05:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
I think I just threw up a little....

quarkwiz From: quarkwiz Date: April 7th, 2008 07:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
My God... it's full of shit!
nahtmmm From: nahtmmm Date: April 7th, 2008 09:51 pm (UTC) (Link)
It's full of stars!


Looks like whoever put it together at least had fun with it.
deltagrl From: deltagrl Date: April 7th, 2008 04:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wow. Heh. :shakes head:
shatna From: shatna Date: April 7th, 2008 04:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh god, the summary of this "book" is hilariously deranged.

"An original screenplay/novelette that answers the question of how the warlike Klingons of Captain Kirk's era came to their end and were replaced by the somewhat friendlier Klingons of the new generation; however, this story does not dwell much upon the Klingons, but upon Kirk's forced retirement at age 65 and his return from it through a war for the galaxy in which he must become the ultimate chess master."

Is there such a thing as a Fanfic Fanboy Badplot Randomizer? 'Cause that would explain a lot.
nahtmmm From: nahtmmm Date: April 7th, 2008 09:59 pm (UTC) (Link)

Yes, there is.

klingonguy From: klingonguy Date: April 7th, 2008 04:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
We'll see if CBS/Paramount is as fast to C&D this as Lucas was two years ago.

I hope not. I need my copy for the KLI's archive.
athersgeo From: athersgeo Date: April 7th, 2008 04:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh good grief - and here, I thought Trekkies were more clued up than this...

Or maybe that was something I was hoping...
ronny_corral From: ronny_corral Date: April 7th, 2008 04:56 pm (UTC) (Link)
yeah but if i buy it amazon will also give me a deal on forged in fire...

oh wait, i've already read that, never mind. :)

wow, that's like the worst cover i've ever seen. i'm at work so i can't really be reading the thing so hopefully it will be gone by the time i get home so i'm not tempted, just the first paged seemed extremely weak.
rainfletcher From: rainfletcher Date: April 7th, 2008 05:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
Rachel is reading this aloud as I type.

This is some of the best comedy ever.

I'm dying.

ETA: OMG, lobster metaphor!


Edited at 2008-04-07 05:08 pm (UTC)
bodacioussylph From: bodacioussylph Date: April 7th, 2008 05:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wow.

Y'know, if I were James T. Kirk, and I was having sex with Yeoman Rand, I'd call her Janice. Not Ms. Rand (and, once, Miss Rand).

High, high comedy.
From: celticboy Date: April 7th, 2008 05:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
I think I'd call her Janice even IF I wasn't Captain Kirk and having sex with her..

you know.. Just to be polite.
caindog From: caindog Date: April 7th, 2008 07:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
At least he was courteous enough to shut off his communicator before "a time reserved for lovemaking." Oh my. I can only pray that the lawyers get this yanked down before I am tempted to buy a copy for the pure unfiltered awfulness of the entire thing.
troll_bridge From: troll_bridge Date: April 7th, 2008 09:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
♫♫ "No, my first name ain't 'Baby', it's 'Janice'...

Miss Rand if you're nasty!" ♫♫
tehsp0rk From: tehsp0rk Date: April 7th, 2008 05:37 pm (UTC) (Link)
And James is definitely the most romantic of names, yes?
daytonward From: daytonward Date: April 7th, 2008 05:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
Having read some of the book's innards, the cynical part of my brain is wondering if this isn't a big put-on of some sort. Nothing to base this on, of course....just wondering aloud.
From: celticboy Date: April 7th, 2008 05:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wondering..

or praying very hard?
daytonward From: daytonward Date: April 7th, 2008 06:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
A little of both, actually.
tehsp0rk From: tehsp0rk Date: April 7th, 2008 05:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ye gods, if someone was going to violate copyright and publish fic, couldn't it at least be GOOD fic? I just took a peek at the text and it looks like it was written/drawn by a schizophrenic ape with a fondness for rainbows.

Also, I now plan to make an effort to use the phrase "rectal haberdashery" at least once a day.

I was kinda hoping that Kirk/Rand thing would turn into a sex scene so I could've posted this over at weepingcock...
kradical From: kradical Date: April 7th, 2008 06:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
Also, I now plan to make an effort to use the phrase "rectal haberdashery" at least once a day.

We're pretty sure terri_osborne coined that particular phrase, just to give credit where it's due.....
steve_roby From: steve_roby Date: April 7th, 2008 05:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
You guys missed this one, which doesn't have Star Trek in the title:

http://www.amazon.com/Star-Cruisers-Michael-P-Burkhardt/dp/1434812367/

They're both published by Createspace, which is Amazon's attempt at stealing lulu.com's thunder.

(http://starfleetlibrary.blogspot.com/2008/03/createspace-trek-vanity-press-books.html)
daytonward From: daytonward Date: April 7th, 2008 05:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
I only found out about The Death Wave because it popped up in the "Customers who bought...also bought this" section of the book I was ordering.

I shoulda known you'd have all the 411 on this stuff.
bodacioussylph From: bodacioussylph Date: April 7th, 2008 06:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
"As the dark spacecraft drawls near the asteroid...."

Did it call the asteroid a varmint?
kradical From: kradical Date: April 7th, 2008 06:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yer dern tootin' he did!
infiniteviking From: infiniteviking Date: April 7th, 2008 05:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
*reads some and fumbles for the back button*

Good lord.
xnamkrad From: xnamkrad Date: April 7th, 2008 06:04 pm (UTC) (Link)
I was just wondering - what are the saucers from Plan 9 From Outer Space doing on the cover?

Read the excerpt - seriously, my 9 year daughter writes better than that.
man_of_the_west From: man_of_the_west Date: April 8th, 2008 03:09 am (UTC) (Link)
>I was just wondering - what are the saucers from Plan 9 From Outer Space doing on the cover?

Not to mention the ENTERPRISE from the Series of the same name....set about 150 years BEFORE the Time of Kirk

>Read the excerpt - seriously, my 9 year daughter writes better than that.

Indeed!!

I'd like to think that my own Writing Skills, Limited though they are, are still MUCH better than that Crap

Merely out of 'Morbid Curiousity', I just Checked the Store that Caters for us Fans here, and so far, they don't have it

Doesn't mean to say that they won't, though, as I've gotten Un-Authorised stuff from them before

lyonessnyc From: lyonessnyc Date: April 7th, 2008 07:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ummmm...wow. That cover makes the shop look like it's begging for it up the backside.

I glanced inside the text, and saw that my description just might be apt.

Wow. I've rejected *slushpile* stuff that was far better than that crap. Ugh. Bleah!
From: celticboy Date: April 7th, 2008 07:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
I've come to the conclusion that if that can get published, than there's hope for me yet.. :)
steve_roby From: steve_roby Date: April 7th, 2008 08:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
No slushpile readers, editors, copy editors, or other people involved in a normal publishing process were harmed in the making of this book. It's a self-publishing thing Amazon's doing.
nahtmmm From: nahtmmm Date: April 7th, 2008 10:15 pm (UTC) (Link)

Death Wave: Wave Of DEATH!

Ooooo, "Death Wave". Dramatic! And a really weird mental image!
angelicalangie From: angelicalangie Date: April 8th, 2008 02:19 am (UTC) (Link)
Wow. Oh lord, oh wow, oh dear God and baby jesus wow.

And in other breaking thoughts... A thousand monkeys, with a thousand typewriters and 20mins knocked this out, stashed it in the circular file and then shot themselves point blank for writing such CRAP!!!

From: (Anonymous) Date: April 8th, 2008 02:56 am (UTC) (Link)
*looks toward heaven* please God, tell me the stuff i wrote for the strange new worlds contest wasn't that bad.
From: (Anonymous) Date: April 8th, 2008 02:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
Captains Log Stardate Pi.SQRT(-1)

OMGWTFBBQ!! Good thing we have that fly around the sun to time travel maneuver... cause we are going back in to time give this 'author' a phaser enema.
38 comments or Please comment
who is this guy?
Keith R.A. DeCandido
User: kradical
Name: Keith R.A. DeCandido
Website: DeCandido.net
calendar
Back August 2014
12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930
31
links
on this page...
tags