It is now official 23 April, at least where I am, and, as declared by Jo Walton (papersky) and inspired by a rather ridiculous rant by Dr. Howard Hendrix, it's International Pixel-Stained Technopeasant Wretch Day!

To quote the good and noble Ms. Walton: "On this day, everyone who wants to should give away professional quality work online. It doesn't matter if it's a novel, a story or a poem, it doesn't matter if it's already been published or if it hasn't, the point is it should be disseminated online to celebrate our technopeasanthood."

And so I present to you the as-yet-unsold short story, originally written as my contribution to the two-beers-and-a-story event at the 2004 WorldCon in Boston, "Wild Bill Got Shot."

Wild Bill Got Shot

a very short story by Keith R.A. DeCandido

"I was there when Wild Bill got shot."

"Shut up and deal, wouldja?"

"I am dealin'. I'm just sayin' that I was there when Wild Bill got shot."

"I been playin' poker in this here bar for the last year. If all the folks that said they was there when Wild Bill got shot actually was there when Wild Bill got shot, you'd have enough to fill up the entire Montana territory."

"You callin' me a liar, Jay?"

"I'm callin' you a man who's doin' a fair piece'a talkin' and a damn sight less dealin'."

"Fine, fine. The game's five-card draw. Jacks'r better t'open."

"Good."

"Want proof that I was there?"

"Only if'n you can do it while dealin' the damn cards."

"I reckon I can walk an' chew gum at the same time."

"I'd like to see some proof'a that."

"Hang on a spell--anyone openin'?"

"Nope."

"Nope."

"I'm in for twenty."

"Call."

"Call."

"I been with two-nickel whores that got more life'n this damn hand. Fold."

"Fold."

"I'm in."

"So I was in Deadwood. Now mind you, this was back in the days before there was law in Deadwood. See, them injuns had it as their land an'--"

"I want two."

"I'm tellin' a story."

"Thought you could walk'n chew gum at the same time, there, Al."

"Maybe, but I'm gettin' to the part where I provide the background. Scene-settin', that's what the dime-novel boys call it."

"Al, I'm fair to convinced you can't even read, much less would know a dime-novel boy if'n he bit you."

"'Sides, you think we give a good goddamn 'bout Deadwood, Mississippi?"

"Well, Deadwood's in the Dakota Territories, f'r one."

"You gonna let me tell m'damn story?"

"I'm willin' to throw in my entire stake if'n you don't."

"I'm just waitin' for m'damn two cards."

"Here you go. Anyhow, them injuns was given the Dakotas by treaty--but then Custer found gold. Everybody and his damn brother was harin' off to Deadwood--so, since they couldn't break the treaty with the injuns, they made Deadwood lawless."

"I'll take three, an' wish I'd known about Deadwood back then. I'd'a been whorin' 'till the cows come home."

"Y'idjit, they still had money."

"One for me."

"None for me."

"Y'mean, you had to pay for whores? What's the damn point'a bein' lawless if'n you gotta pay?"

"Trent, you opened."

"Check."

"Check."

"Twenty."

"Hell with that--I'm out."

"Call."

"Anyhow, Wild Bill come into town. Everybody was wonderin' what all he was doin' there. We all figured he'd be prospectin', but he never commenced to buyin' no equipment. 'Stead, he kept playin' poker an' losin' each time. Coulda opened a new bar with the credit they was extendin' 'im. Jack McCall, now he kept--"

"Dammit all, Al, we know Jack McCall done killed Wild Bill, an' I'm in with twenty an' twenty more."

"Hell, I fold."

"Jay?"

"I'm thinkin'."

"That explains the wood-burnin' smell."

"While Jay's thinkin', I'm gonna keep tellin' my story. See, Jack played goin' on fifty games with Wild Bill."

"I never heard that."

"'Course not. Didn't nobody talk 'bout that, just talkin' 'bout how Jack killed Wild Bill 'cause Wild Bill done killed his brother. But what I gotta be askin' myself is why Jack was playin' so many of those games with a man who killed his brother."

"An' what I gotta be askin' myself is when Jay's gonna tell us his damn bet."

"I fold."

"Coulda done that five minutes ago, an' we wouldn't have to listen to Al's damn story."

"Got me a straight."

"God-dammit."

"Take the damn money."

"See what interests me is why Jack decided t'kill Wild Bill."

"Thought it was because Wild Bill killed his brother, an' let someone else deal the damn cards."

"Five-card."

"See, Jack was playin' all them games, but never once said nothin' to Wild Bill. Sometimes he won, sometimes Wild Bill won, but nothin' really happened. Then, all of a sudden, one day, outta the damn blue--"

"I can't open."

"Me neither."

"Nope."

"Nope."

"--outta the damn blue, Jack comes in an' shoots Wild Bill in the head. An' what's real--"

"You gonna open or flap y'damn gums, Al?"

"I'm openin' with fifty, an' what I'm sayin' is there wasn't no good reason for Jack to be shootin' Wild Bill in the head."

"Fold. An' I gotta ask, Al--did he have a reason to be shootin' Wild Bill anywhere else?"

"Y'know Trent, there's times when you're funny--then there's now."

"I want me two cards."

"So if'n Jack had reason to be shootin' Wild Bill, I gotta wonder why--"

"Three cards."

"--he killed Wild Bill when he did."

"If'n you were there, Al, then what cards did Wild Bill have when he died?"

"Don't nobody know. See, that's why you know I was there--see, nobody saw Wild Bill's hand. I know some damn fool went 'round claimin' he had aces over eights, but the stone cold truth is we didn't see his cards, and that crazy woman that followed Wild Bill around knocked over the damn table, so didn't nobody else see no cards, neither. But I did see Jack McCall come in an' blow Wild Bill's head off. An' you know what else?"

"I know I'm sorry Jay asked the damn question, that's what I know. An' I'm foldin'."

"Me, too."

"Yeah, I'm outta this crap."

"I'll take three."

"What else is that Wild Bill didn't sit in his usual spot. Normal-like, he sat with his back to the wall so he could be seein' the whole place. I remember one night, someone tried to shoot Wild Bill and Wild Bill done shot him instead."

"I'm in for fifty."

"Fold."

"So what I'm thinkin' is that somethin' else was goin' on. I'm thinkin' that Jack McCall was under th'influence'a somethin' else. An' so was Wild Bill."

"I think Al's so full of it his eyes're turnin' brown, an' I think Trent's bluffin' so much it's comin' outta his ass. I call the fifty an' raise another fifty."

"Ain't anyone gonna ask why I think that?"

"First off, Al, we wanna know if'n you're gonna call."

"See, I think that 'cause both men was actin' outta character. Fact'a the matter is, Wild Bill been actin' outta character the whole damn time he was in Deadwood. An' Jack started acted all crazy-like the day he shot Wild Bill. An' I call the hundred an' raise fifty."

"I'm out."

"Fifty to you, Jay."

"Raise a hundred."

"That's a hunnert t'you, Al."

"See, what I think--"

"You gonna call the damn raise'r not, Al?"

"See, what I think is that Wild Bill was possessed by spirits."

"Only spirit anyone's possessed by is the spirits behind th'bar, an' you gotta call the damn bet, Al."

"'Cause th'only thing that makes sense to me is that Wild Bill was possessed--by someone who'd sent him to Deadwood so nobody'd be findin' him. Ain't that right, Jay?"

"Don't know what you're goin' on 'bout, Al. I'm just playin' poker."

"I'm sayin' that you missed the chance there, Jay. By the time you were catchin' up to the spirit that took Wild Bill, he was gone. He'd fled t'somewhere else, an' poor ol' Jack McCall was stuck with a gun in his hand and a murder charge. Funny thing is--Jack don't have no brother. But he done made that story up so they wouldn't be chargin' him with murder in Deadwood."

"Thought Deadwood was lawless."

"Shut up, Trent."

"Something you wanna be doin', there, Jay?"

"I'm just playin' poker, Al."

"Oh yeah? I think you've been followin' me. An' I think you gotta be makin' your move."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really."

"Al, what're you--? Sweet Mother'a God!"

"Aaaah!"

"My eyes!"

"What the hell?"

"Al, where's Jay? What just happened?"

"Al? Al, wake up!"

"Anybody got'nee smellin' salts?"

"What?"

"I didn't say nothin'."

"No, I mean, Al. He whispered somethin'."

"I didn't hear it."

"I did--he said, 'Wild Bill's ghost can rest easy now.'"

"The hell's that mean?"

"Damned if I know. I just wanna know what happened to Jay."

"Somebody get the doc f'r Al, willya?"

"Anybody know what that was about?"

"I'll tell you what it was about--Al just had aces high."

"You mean--?"

"Yup--sumbitch was bluffin'."

"So what'd Jay have?"

"Where the hell is Jay?"

"Dunno, but you ain't gonna b'lieve what he had."

"What?"

"Two pair. Aces over eights."

Current Mood: techno-peasant-y
Current Music: "Freight Train" by Taj Mahal