Joe Posnaski is a particularly brilliant sportswriter for the Kansas City Star (and those of you who know my feelings about most sports "journalists" know that I'm pretty hard on them as a breed, so if I'm praising this guy, it ain't hay), and he has a blog like, y'know, everyone, and this particular blog entry is just a work of genius.
Very little of it is actually about sports. It's funny as hell with lines like: "I get on the plane — I’ve paid 100 bucks to upgrade for a three hour flight, mind you — and it’s the smallest first class I’ve ever seen. Eight seats. What’s the point there? That’s not first class, that’s like getting to sit shotgun in a Buick."
But this is my favorite part:
Report: Grass Is Green Again This Year
SURPRISE, Ariz. — After an off-season of doubt, several unnamed sources have confirmed that the grass at spring training sites across America is, in fact, green.
“There’s nothing better than coming to spring training and seeing the green grass,” said one baseball executive.
“It always amazes me to come out here and see how green the grass looks,” said a Major League player.
“Yep. Green,” said a sportswriter.
The color of the grass, which was reported in more than two dozen newspapers across America, is caused by chlorophyl that is used in a process called “photosynthesis.” A quick survey indicates that the grass is a brilliant green at the Mariners complex in Peoria, it is a vivid green at the Rays camp in St. Pete, immaculate green in Clearwater, and, and officials are anticipating emerald green at Fenway Park. Sources in Surprise call the grass here viridescent, but those were sources with a Thesaurus handy.
It marks the one millionth consecutive year that grass has come out green.
“And somehow, it’s always a surprise,” one source said. He would not indicate if the green grass had anything to do with baseball’s recuperative powers or offered positive proof that time begins on Opening Day. He did say it is good to “hear the crack of the bat.” The source also conceded that there is no better five-word combination in the English Language than “Pitchers and catchers report today.”
Great stuff. Go read it.