May 31st, 2008

license

thank you everyone

Thanks to everyone who's e-mailed me and posted in the comments on the last thread before I disabled them, and just everyone for being far more supportive than I feel I deserve right now.

If anything, this is all the more reason why I need to get my shit together. I not only have a wonderful woman who I want to spend the rest of my life with, I've also got all these good friends.

Again, thank you all.
  • Current Music
    Baseball Tonight on ESPN2
elvish

thoughts on a rainy Saturday

The real difference between how I feel right now and how I felt a couple of days ago is that a couple of days ago I had deluded myself into thinking I was fine, that there was nothing wrong with me, and that everything was okay. Yes, I'm really that stupid.

How I feel now is a combination of horrified at myself and what I've done to terri_osborne and an absolute determination to make it right again. This requires me to win back her trust, which will not come quickly or easily, and will involve a lot of work, and a lot of focus on my part. I have an addictive personality, and while it's fine for things like checking e-mail (which is at least partly work-related) and going to karate class (which is health-related), it's not so hot for other things. That's what I need to fix.

And I will fix it. Dammit. I love Terri more than I can describe, and I need to commit to healing myself for both our sakes. The alternative is to lose her forever, and I can't accept that. I won't accept that. That means I have to do the work to help myself and heal myself.
  • Current Music
    "Little Beggar Man" by Arlo Guthrie
keith & terri

back home

terri_osborne called me and asked if I could pick her up at Target with my parents' minivan, as she wanted to get a bunch of stuff that was too much to carry on her own on the bus.

I did, and we had a good talk (mostly in the home improvement section by the power strips). We've got miles to go, but we're working on it. And I'm glad to be back with my sweetie and our cats.
  • Current Music
    "Now and Then" by Arlo Guthrie