June 25th, 2008

OCLT, crazed writer, dark forces, ellie, command & conquer

more work!

I just got an e-mail that I've been approved for a comics gig. Said gig will be announced at Comic-Con in San Diego next month.

Glee!

This will be a very very cool project. *bouncy*
  • Current Music
    "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" by Jethro Tull

not a good day

Today was a reminder of how far I have to go with my problems.

I've got an appointment with one of my shrinks today, and then I'm going to a meeting tonight that should be a help. At least I hope so.

Technically, I have a compulsion, since medically speaking an addiction is one that has a biological component. (E.g., I'm addicted to caffeine, because if I don't have a cup of coffee in the morning, I suffer headaches.) This has no physical consequences if I don't do it -- but in all the ways that matter, it's an addiction. And I need to fight it 24/7. And sometimes, I lose.

I'm working on it. It's going to be incredibly difficult and painful, but I need to do this. I need to stop living a lie.
  • Current Music
    "Deportee" by Arlo Guthrie
singular destiny

progress.....

Forgot to post this last night: Wrote 4660 words on Tuesday, bringing me to 42,191 words on A Singular Destiny.
  • Current Music
    "Buffalo Skinners" by Arlo Guthrie

first meeting

I had my first meeting tonight, and it went very well. Everyone kept saying I was courageous, but I didn't feel courageous, I felt like I was doing something I should've done 20 years ago.

I'm not doing nearly as well as I'd like to be, but I'm working on it. The meeting was a huge help -- being in a room with 50 people who have the same problem is remarkably cathartic.

Today was the psychiatrist, whom I will see again in a month. He had some good ideas about meditation and breathing. I see the psychologist Friday.

I'm going to try to make the meetings and the psychologist weekly things.

I'm an addict -- even if it's medically a compulsion rather than an addiction, my behavior is still that of an addict.

My apologies for turning this journal at least in part into something so personal -- unfortunately, I need the accountability of talking about this in public. I've got a long way to go and years' worth of bad habits to overcome. That's going to take some doing.
  • Current Music
    "Gervais" by Sarah Lee Guthrie & Johnny Irion