KRAD's Inaccurate Guide to Life

From the "Glove and Boots" web series, Johnny T (an Italian puppet toad from New York City) provides a tourist's guide to NYC. It's quite possibly the best tourist guide to my city ever done. Thanks to Dave Mack for the head's up.....

Haven't been doing status updates, but I'm now up to 14,390 words on the movie novelization.

An excerpt:

Bruno Mazursky double checked the GPS directions from the passenger seat of the Lincoln Navigator. "Next exit," he said to Shaw, the driver.

Shaw sighed. "Yeah, I know, Bruno. I told you, I know my way around Miami."

Bruno rolled his eyes. "We need to be sure, all right? This is an in-and-out deal. We show up, we shoot the kid, the security guard, and the bodyguard. Kid rented it from a drug lord, so cops'll probably just figure it to be a drug hit."

"Thanks, Bruno, 'cause I totally wasn't paying attention the other six times you went over the plan."

From the back seat, Jackson, the ex-SEAL, said, "Ain't like it matters. Plan don't last past the first five seconds of implementing the motherfucker."

Next to him, Popadopoulos, the ex-Army Ranger, shook his head. "'Implementing the motherfucker'? This is what they teach you at SQT, how to sound like an idiot?"

"Hey, it's how I talk, soldier boy. S'the way we all talk on the streets where I grew up."

Popadopoulos chuckled. "Yeah, on the mean streets of Cobb County. Real street, yo."

Bruno was starting to wish he'd packed more Advil.

Jackson stared at Popadopoulos. "Y'know, I heard that the whole time you served, you ain't never got laid but once, and that was to a frail who thought you was with the New York Rangers by mistake."

"'Frail'? Seriously? 1937 called, they want their stupid word for 'chicks' back."

"You're hilarious, Ranger boy."

"Hey, you know what they call a guy who hangs out with military personnel but doesn't really belong? A SEAL."